On call.

So its 05:55 and I am sitting at the desk in Labor & Delivery. One of those rarer calm moments, waiting on results and physicians to call back. More of the same really. This is also hour #22 of this particular call. I don't know whether it is depressing or exciting that I only have a full, regular-person's work day between me and blessed sleep. Probably a little bit of both.

It was an interesting night, but nothing that I can talk about of course. Overall I can't complain, hard to do that when I know what I have waiting for me at home, a beautiful wife, beautiful house, with some Filippo's pizza and my new TV. Should be a good time.

I can tell you right now that I am definitely "done" with MNPS (OB). Just not my cup of tea. I understand the noble nature of the field, and I will be the firs tto admit that OB/GYN's do a lot of good work, and do tons of good for their patients. But the lifestyle... I don't care if it brands me as selfish, but I can't imagine ever having this kind of lifestyle. Nothing is worth this too me. Even the noble pursuits of medicine.

And I wonder if that isn't part of the problem. Through this false image of the "altruistic" doctor who puts their perception of the patients' well being above all else, along with this misguided ego-driven idea that only "I" am the one who can properly care for "my" patients... we have created this bizarre social dynamic in which we elevate ourselves as martyr's while being highly paid and increasingly resented by the patients who's best interests we believe we should be, and are working in.

I think it would be far better if we admitted that we are just people. And that sometimes breaking continuity of care is okay. Because if it came down to me having "my" doctor after 22 hours on call, or someone else's doctor who is working a regular, reasonable 12 hour day... I would pick the "other" doc everytime.

Of course, these patients, they are getting some "other" doc who has been on for 22 hours. Where is the benefit there?

Again, this isn't a personal complaint. I will do the work. Its hard, and long, but its doable. And the light is there, ever present at the end of the tunnel. I have no doubts that I am one who can go that distance. Heck, I'm cocky enough to believe that I can even do it with relative ease. My comments are more along the line of pondering what is best for everyone, patients and doctors. And not even everyone, but myself, in the future, when I can chose when and where I work. And while I might not be able to say definitively what will be best, MNPS has certainly shown me what is not.

Maybe thats the point? I hope not, because I got that point a long time ago.